Non-baseball fans might be surprised to know there was a pitcher by the name of Gaylord Perry. That was not his nickname; his mother named him Gaylord. In protest, Gaylord threw spitballs over the course of his successful career as a professional ballplayer, flummoxing opposing batters by essentially changing the physics of the baseball with saliva, Vaseline and anything else that would make the perfectly round ball jump and curve on its way to the batter, only 60 feet away. At least that's what Wikipedia tells us: "Such a pitch presents an additional challenge to the hitter because it causes the ball to move atypically during its approach due to the altered wind-resistance and weight on one side of the ball."

The problem with Gaylord Perry was not his name; it was the spitballs. Major League Baseball made them illegal in 1920 because they gave pitchers an unfair advantage over the hitters. Gaylord was crafty. He "would sniff red peppers to make his nose run or he would put vaseline on his zipper because umpires would never check there." This means he was really throwing a snotball. Hey, whatever works.

Gaylord Perry was so brazen in throwing an illegal pitch that he named his autobiography "Me and the Spitter." Despite this admission that Gaylord was throwing spitballs from the late 1950's through the early 1980's, he was elected to the Hall of Fame. He got away with breaking the rules, despite (and maybe because of) his brazenness and colorful name.

The most famous cheater in baseball history is about to pass the torch to another high-profile cheater, Barry Bonds, who is about to set the all-time record for career homeruns. All but the most partisan fans believe that Barry is reaching this milestone with the help of steroids, which turn easy fly balls into mammoth homeruns. Barry will pay for this. No one wants to see the coveted home run record tarnished by a cheater. When Barry finds himself on the outside of the Hall of Fame looking in, he's going to ask, "What about Gaylord Perry." It's a good question.

I think about Gaylord and Barry when I read daily in the newspapers about our horrible world and how we got there. It seems clear that George W. Bush is going to slag his way to the end of his second term without any impeachment effort by the Democratic Party, which seized control of Congress in 2006 because of widespread disdain for Bush and general agreement among all but the most fanatical Republicans that Bush is a failure who launched a bogus war that has killed many innocents, and violated several elementary principles of Amerian constitutional law, not to mention international law, such as the prohibition against unreasonable searches and seizures, torture and the suspension of habeas corpus. Is it because we lack the stomach for impeachment proceedings? Is it because Bush has impeachment insurance in the form of Dick Cheney? How about double impeachment proceedings?

Bush has been throwing spitballs at the American public since January 20, 2001, the day he took the oath of office. After 9/11, Bush began injecting steroids into his buttocks, scaring the crap out of the American public with tough talk on terror and a shrewd public relations strategy focused on his steely determination in the face of unspeakable horror.

But like a criminal who left his wallet at the scene of the crime, Bush has been exposed many times as a total fraud.

Tough on bin Ladin? Bullshit. According to this morning's New York Times, "A secret military operation in early 2005 to capture senior members of Al Qaeda in Pakistan’s tribal areas was aborted at the last minute after top Bush administration officials decided it was too risky and could jeopardize relations with Pakistan, according to intelligence and military officials. The target was a meeting of Qaeda leaders that intelligence officials thought included Ayman al-Zawahri, Osama bin Laden’s top deputy and the man believed to run the terrorist group’s operations. But the mission was called off after Donald H. Rumsfeld, then the defense secretary, rejected an 11th-hour appeal by Porter J. Goss, then the director of the Central Intelligence Agency, officials said. Members of a Navy Seals unit in parachute gear had already boarded C-130 cargo planes in Afghanistan when the mission was canceled, said a former senior intelligence official involved in the planning."

Rebuilding Iraq and making the Middle East safe for democracy? Bullshit. Associated Press reports that violence and death rages on in Iraq. Blame for this horrible scenario lies almost entirely at the feet of George W. Bush.

Prominent Shiite and Sunni politicians called on Iraqi civilians to take up arms to defend themselves after a weekend of violence that claimed more than 220 lives, including 60 who died Sunday in a surge of bombings and shootings around Baghdad.

The calls reflect growing frustration with the inability of Iraqi security forces to prevent extremist attacks.

The weekend deaths included two American soldiers — one killed Sunday in a bombing on the western outskirts and Baghdad and another who died in combat Saturday in Salahuddin province north of the capital, the U.S. command said. Three soldiers were wounded in the Sunday blast.

Sunday's deadliest attack occurred when a bomb struck a truckload of newly recruited Iraqi soldiers on the outskirts of Baghdad, killing 15 soldiers and wounding 20, a police official at the nearest police station said on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to release the information.

Surrounds himself with intelligent and wise advisors? Bullshit. According to this weekend's London Times, Bush ignored Secretary of State Colin Powell who begged Bush not to start the Iraq War:

The former American secretary of state Colin Powell has revealed that he spent 2½ hours vainly trying to persuade President George W Bush not to invade Iraq and believes today’s conflict cannot be resolved by US forces.

“I tried to avoid this war,” Powell said at the Aspen Ideas Festival in Colorado. “I took him through the consequences of going into an Arab country and becoming the occupiers.”

Powell has become increasingly outspoken about the level of violence in Iraq, which he believes is in a state of civil war. “The civil war will ultimately be resolved by a test of arms,” he said. “It’s not going to be pretty to watch, but I don’t know any way to avoid it. It is happening now.”

Powell was eventually pushed out of the Bush administration, presumably for asking too many questions. I want a tape recording of that conversation between Powell and Bush. For Powell, it was probably like talking to a wall. "I want war," Bush probably said. "But Mr. President, it won't work. You'll make things worse," Powell said. "I want war," Bush probably responded. "Please listen to me. You'll trigger a civil war. We'll be there for years," Powell cried out. "I want war," Bush said as he shooed Powell out of the Oval Office.

The Iraq war is the biggest spitball of them all. Colin Powell will tell you that. It was he who destroyed his reputation as America's sage military general when he hurled spitball after spitball at the United Nations in February 2003, trying to show the world that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Powell's obituary will almost certainly highlight that sorry episode at least by the fifth paragraph. Throwing spitballs is fun, at least until you get caught. It's even worse when you throw them on someone else's behalf and get caught. Sort of like the getaway driver after a bank heist getting 20 years in the slammer and the triggerman retiring in the Cayman Islands.